How do I help my friend?
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I have a female friend who dated a guy for eight years. They were teens at the time and his parents did not approve of the relationship because he is three years older than her.

Eventually after continuous pressure from his parents, she broke off the relationship. These are people she works and goes to church with, so she is in constant contact with them.  Now his parents have gotten to know her and of course she is older and much more mature, they approve of her, but he has gotten bitter and has been going from relationship to relationship. He is now engaged to someone else whom his parents don't even know. His family is very close knit so these things are very important to them. My friend has noted that before he commits to a girl, he would start speaking to her more frequently and asking personal questions like "how does she feel?" At times he even stares at her.

 She is still very in love with him, but she thinks that he has too many ongoing issues with his parents to go back into a relationship, besides the fact that he is engaged. He has a record of promising every girl he commits to for her hand in marriage. This guy appears to be very angry and repressed at times. What advice can I give my friend concerning this issue as it is affecting her emotional well being? She wants to be with him and believes he is not over her, but she keeps getting hurt by seeing him with other women.

 

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From her point of view, this has been going on for far too long. My advice to her is to call him and make an appointment to get together. When they meet, she has to tell him that she would be willing to get back together, but if he tells her he is intent on marrying this other girl, then she has to say to herself, “It’s over.” She can give herself a couple of weeks to mourn the end of this relationship, but she must begin to actively seek another partner. If necessary, I would even advise her to move to another town where she doesn’t have so many ties to this man. She can get on with her life, but she needs to take active measures to make certain that she doesn’t remain in this rut for the rest of her life.

 

 


 
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