We have tried a lot of things, like toys which she doesn’t really get into and oral, which she also doesn’t enjoy that much either. It really feels hopeless. I don’t know if its my fault or hers. Needless to say, I  think it will eventually kill our relationship or damage it. It makes me feel worthless. The only thing we haven’t done is gone for professional help, which really I don’t have an idea if there is even any available to us in that area. Dr. Ruth, I hope this letter finds your eyes because I’m in some need of some serious help.

Sometimes when a problem has been going on for a long time, it becomes more difficult to solve and so you two might need to see a sex therapist. But before you take that step, here’s what I would suggest (which is what I would tell you to do if you came to see me in my office). Some women need to discover for themselves how to have an orgasm. In other words, they have to masturbate and learn exactly what it takes to give themselves an orgasm and then they can teach their partner.

So that’s what your wife should try. If she can’t do it on her own, or if she refuses to even try, then you two should go for some counseling. If there are no sex therapists near you, try a psychologist or marriage counselor. Any professional should be able to give you some guidance.  But see if she won’t try to teach herself how to have orgasms first.