Why can't I orgasm with a partner?
ImageI’m a 30-year-old mother of three. I’ve had six sexual partners in my life, all serious relationships. My problem is that I have still never had an orgasm with a partner. I feel like we have tried everything; oral, anal, vaginal and manual. I enjoy it and I'm excited, but I just can’t get there. What could be the reason I am able to bring myself to orgasm, but a partner can’t?

ImageFirst of all, I want you to be glad that you can have orgasms. It’s wonderful that you do not have to go around feeling sexually frustrated all the time, though I understand that you’d prefer to have them with a partner. Some women need to concentrate so strongly in order to have an orgasm that they just cannot do it when someone else is around; they find it too distracting. But your problem could also stem from being distracted by the thought that you cannot have an orgasm with a partner. In other words, if you’re worried about it, then those worries will prevent you from having that orgasm. So one trick you could use is to find a very strong sexual fantasy, one that really makes you sexually excited and try concentrating on that when your partner is stimulating your clitoris either orally or manually. And don’t expect it to work the first time, but give it a few tries. You might also see if he used a vibrator on you whether the stronger sensations would produce an orgasmic response. You could also try masturbating yourself with him there almost to the point where you’re going to have an orgasm and then letting him take over. Perhaps if you’ve reached a point where you are very close to having an orgasm, you could still have it if he was stimulating you. Then, once you’d broken through this barrier, it might be easier in the future. But please, if the best you can do is to satisfy yourself, don’t be too upset about it. It’s not the best situation, but it’s really not that bad either.

 
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