 I have been with my girlfriend for about four or five years now. I am very attracted to her and love to please her. When it comes to oral sex, however, I have to psych myself into it.
I can probably count on one hand the amount of times I have pleased her in this way. She even begs me sometimes, but I still can't. My biggest hang up is taste and texture. Not because she is unsanitary, but because I just very much dislike the natural taste and texture of a woman there. I have tried flavored gels and they help a little, but still not enough to make me want to do it willingly. I always want to wipe off my mouth or spit while doing it and she does not feel sexy when she sees or hears that. I can handle doing it while we are in the shower, but she cannot fully enjoy it while standing up and there is no room to sit. Is there a toy that mimics a tongue? Is there something that numbs my tongue and mouth? What can I do?
 I always have a hard time deciding which questions to answer because I get so many on this site and most of the people who write really need help. I chose yours because most of the questions I get about oral sex relate to a situation where the man desperately wants it and the women can’t bring herself to do it. Your case is the opposite. Now the advice I give you should be exactly the same as when the situation is reversed, which is that nobody should feel forced to perform a particular sex act. But I’m going to focus for a moment on the word “begs”. Does your wife beg you for oral sex because she really likes it, or because she can’t have an orgasm any other way? If it’s the latter, then you have a duty to do something about this situation. I’m not saying that you have to perform oral sex, but you should experiment to find out what else you could do to give her an orgasm. But if you do give her orgasms regularly (and she’s not faking them) then I guess she’s just going to have to get used to not having oral sex.
Of course I do have a few words of advice to try to help you perform oral sex that I can also pass on. You say you’ve tried some flavored gels and they help. What about some natural flavors, like honey or chocolate sauce? If you’re willing, experiment a little to see if there isn’t something that would make it easier for you. Because a woman can take a very long time to have an orgasm, many men complain about oral sex saying that it takes such a long time that their mouth gets tired. If that happens, I would suggest going back and forth between using your fingers, or even a vibrator, and your mouth. Maybe your girlfriend needs oral sex just at the end to have an orgasm, so that you could arouse her in other ways and then perform oral sex for a brief amount of time.
Finally, whether it’s a man or woman performing oral sex, there can be a psychological barrier. You can feel like this act is being forced upon you and then of course you’re not going to enjoy it. So maybe try changing your thoughts while you do this. Instead of saying, “I hate this,” try thinking more positive thoughts. Or concentrate on a sexual fantasy. A change of attitude might help you. I’m not saying that you must do this, but since you’ve asked for advice on how to do it, keep in mind that your mental attitude is an important aspect of how you feel about oral sex.
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