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I don't like porn, but he does. Should I give in? |
 My boyfriend of only a little over a year has started to change in many ways. He is very mean and tries to control every part of my life.
Our sex life has never been very good. He gets off after about five strokes once we start to have sex, so that leaves me unhappy. The other night he made us a bath in the pitch dark and yelled from the tub,"Come on. Your bath is ready." While in the bath, he was all stretched out (small tub) and burping. I get out of the tub to find porn on. I have told him before that I don’t enjoy these films and asked if we can try something different. He is pushing it on me so it upsets me. He told me if I don’t start watching it to spice up our sex life, he will go elsewhere. This caused a two-day fight and then last night after calling me every name in the book for two days, he wanted to rub on me. He was mad because I was not turned on. Am I holding a grudge and should I just give into what he wants?
He told me that Dr. Ruth told him that he should get the porn and it would work.
 I never told him, or anyone, that they should use porn. If two people agree on using porn to add some variety, then it’s okay, but it should never be pushed on the other partner. Anyone, male or female, has the right to say that they don’t want pornographic images to be part of their sex life. The same is true of any sexual position that they find distasteful or uncomfortable. So we start with the fact that he lied to you. But from what you say, he appears to have many less than desirable qualities: he calls you names; he tries to bully you into watching porn; he lies; he doesn’t please you sexually; he threatens to leave you. It doesn’t sound like he loves you or that this is a satisfying relationship in any way whatsoever. Of course I’m reacting only to what you’ve told me. I can’t really judge the entire relationship, but using only the information that you’ve given me, my advice would be to leave him. And you can tell him I said so.
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