Sometimes I just fake it to keep my husband from passing out.  This is so frustrating for me because I love the thought of pleasing my husband and being pleased by him through sexual intimacy. I don't have a problem with pleasing my husband. My dilemma is that I can't be stimulated to orgasm, unless I am on top regardless of what he tries.

I have been married for 15 years and have had an orgasm in the traditional way maybe once or twice and NEVER through foreplay. Please help. I hope that you may be able to offer some guidance with my problem. I don't want to continue this for the next 15 years.

Let’s see if we can’t lessen some of the pressure you’re under. First of all, most women can’t have an orgasm when their partner is on top. Far too many women can’t have orgasms at all, so you at least can have them. The first thing I would suggest is that when you’re having sex, if you can’t have an orgasm after a while, don’t fake it, but instead just stop having sex. Tell your husband that you don’t mind. Even if you do mind a little, I say it’s better to fake that you don’t mind than that you’ve had an orgasm. Then at least when you do have one, you can both enjoy the experience. This way, he may suspect that you’re faking and so he never knows what has actually happened. So stop putting pressure on yourself to have an orgasm. If it happens great, if not, then so be it.

Every woman has her own way of reaching orgasm. The reason that you can’t have an orgasm from foreplay, apart from the fact that maybe your husband isn’t giving you enough time, could be the pressure you’re putting on yourself. If you think that you’re not going to have one, then you won’t. It might help you to give yourself orgasms by masturbating. You might learn exactly what sensations you require and then you could teach your husband. So try to stop putting so much pressure on yourself. Do a little experimenting, and if you’re still having these same issues, go to see a sex therapist. W