I know you’re looking for an answer from me, but I think that in this case, the only person who can provide the answer is you.  If he’s really not having sex with you because he’s trying to maintain some sort of control over the relationship, then that doesn’t sound like a very good relationship to me. I would bet that for you to say that, he tries to maintain control in other ways as well. So if the relationship has many problems, not just the issue of sex, then maybe you have to rethink being a part of it. Of course, if sex is the only problem, then perhaps his reasons for not wanting to have sex stem from some other source and getting to the bottom of it would be effective. If you suggest a visit to a sex therapist, and if he does want to be with you and is not in control of why he doesn’t want to have sex, then he should agree to such a visit. But if he’s holding out on you in order to maintain control of the relationship, then he’s going to turn you down, and that will help you to decide whether or not you want to stay with him. So think about the relationship as a whole, not just about your sexual relationship and then decide what you want to do.