Hi, Dr. Ruth.   I was previously married for 22 years divorced know for 5 years. I use to live in Connecticut after divorced I move to Florida . Then I met this gentleman through the internet a year ago. He seem the perfect man to share the rest of my life with. He sounds so understanding and gentle. He also felt attracted to me. I came to meet him and his family last year. He has a wonderful family 3 children 8,17 and 20. Two were in college.  Very nice well educated kids and he is a very tender person.  So I decided to come here and get married.  He came to Florida to help me move to New Jersey where he lives.  He still is a very nice person, but sexually it is been a disaster. He does not seem to be interested in sex at all, and I am the opposite. I am 43 and he is 45 years old.  I am always ready to make love to him, but he would rather watch a game and he says later, later. Later he falls sleep then days pass by with no love making. He also likes me to go down on him, he enjoys a lot to come in my mouth while he is introducing a plastic penis inside me, but I do not really enjoy this kind of foreplay feel I am being use.  I like to enjoy and feel my partner, be able to hold him and feel him inside me.  It seem he does not enjoy this at all. I have been open and talk to him. The excuse he is giving me, is that he is taking high blood pressure medicine and I have to wait for his treatment to be over.    I am really afraid is going to be the same all the time. I have no desire of getting married any more, and do not know what else to do any more. It seems for him sex is not that important in a relationship. Life is ironic, my ex-husband use to be a sexual man.  We use to make love everyday sometimes 2 times.  He was a very active man.    I really do not feel happy about this. I ask my self, can I live like this the rest of my life?   I personally think sex is a very import factor for a successful relationship.  I am wrong Dr. Ruth?   Do you think I am wrong?  Can a couple survived in a situation like this.  I am so confused, sometimes I think it is me that is wrong..... It's like giving up on life, like there is no future...  He is a good man.... but how about me?

Please advise...

Thank you Dr.

Confused. 

You’re entitled to be confused, but you also must seek out some answers. You’ve already moved to New Jersey from Florida, so rather than to merely pack your belongings up again without being sure of what you are doing would be a mistake. 

First of all, I suggest the two of you go to see his doctor. If he is on some medication, you should find out whether or not another medication would lessen the effects, and for how long he will need to be on medication. If it’s a life long problem, you need to know that. You should also find out whether he is a candidate for Viagra. If his condition prohibits that, you need to know that as well.

When you have gotten the answers to your medical questions, then the two of you should go to see a sex therapist. Hopefully after a few sessions you’ll have a clearer idea of what is going on, and when you are less confused, then you can make a rational decision.