Am I crazy for basically having two husbands?
ImageI am living with my husband, but have not had sex with him for awhile.  We had a man move in with us and two months ago, I started to have an affair with this man. I am in love with him.  We all live together.  My husband knows of the affair as I sleep in the other man's bed every night.  I go out with the other man.  I never go out with my husband anymore.  I feel like I have two husbands, but my real one is just a friend now.  I'm confused about the situation and don't know what to do.  I love my husband as a friend, but also love the other man.  I don't know how to tell people.  I don't want to lose either man.  We're all good friends at present.  It's nice to have the two men's incomes.  Am I crazy?


ImageI don’t know whether or not you’re crazy, but your husband certainly is. Why he’s putting up with this situation is beyond me. One question I have is the state of your relationship before this man moved in. Was it a good one or were the two of you not getting along all that well, especially with regards to sex? If you had a lousy sex life before this occurred, and if he was masturbating in order to get sexual satisfaction rather than have sex with you, then maybe that’s the reason he doesn’t care all that much that you two aren’t having sex now. Maybe to him, sex was a chore. But, of course, now you’re seriously emotionally involved with this other man, so he’s lost you not only sexually, but emotionally as well. So how does he fulfill his emotional needs in this situation? At some point he’s going to need to feel love, and living in that household is going to make it difficult to find that. So if he came to see me, I’d tell him to move out and start his life over, because it seems he’s lost you. And so my advice for you, who is the one who wrote to me, and assuming that you do care for him, is for you to file for divorce, change this living arrangement and go live with this other man someplace else. You may end up economically poorer, but at least you’ll know that your husband, or former husband, will be free to get on with his life and I think you owe him that. As long as this situation lasts, and it probably won’t last forever is my guess, he’s wasting months, and maybe years of his life and that’s not fair to him.

 
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