Why can't he get an erection all of a sudden?
ImageI’ve fallen in love with a long-term friend and fling. We are attracted and stimulated on all levels, have enjoyed a monogamous, passionate and gratifying relationship. We have, in detail, discussed our pasts, honesty being the best policy in mind. My recent ex-boyfriend could not fulfill intercourse and so to please him, I learned how to be a Dominatrix. Since this discussion, my current boyfriend has been unable to get an erection. He tells me he loves me and is mortified by his physical reaction. I'm devastated, to the point of daily tears. Its' been two weeks. Why did this happen, how can we fix it and what do I do? We are in our mid-30s and are fairly sure we will spend the rest of our lives together. Please help!



ImageI’m sorry about what happened to you, but I couldn’t resist using your question as a “teachable moment.” I’m always telling people not to reveal their past if it includes any information that could cause a problem such as you encountered, and yours is a textbook case because if you had kept your mouth shut, you wouldn’t be in this predicament.

If the relationship is as good as you say, my guess would be that your boyfriend will overcome this in a relatively short period of time. If he doesn’t, then he should see a sex therapist, and again, I don’t think it will take long to get over this. Certainly you have to be very careful not to act in a domineering fashion, especially during sex, but hopefully that’s not a mistake that you would make. So give it a little time, see what happens, and if the problem remains, go get help. And in the future, never say anything about this episode again, even if he begs you. As far as you’re concerned, that door is shut. Of course if it’s not shut, if it’s something that you end up needing, then that’s another story. But for now I’m going to believe that you only did it to help out this former boyfriend and that you have no need of taking on this role for your own sexual satisfaction.


 
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