Everybody has their own standards, but just going to watch strippers as compared to also having lap dances or other activities where there is physical contact, to my mind, is different. Now it seems that the two of you haven’t talked about this particular evening and that when she said not to go to strip clubs, she meant in general. And her worry might have been that you would be doing more than just a little ogling. So one thing you could do is talk to her and promise her that if it turns out that you all go to a strip club, that all you’ll do is watch. These days you can almost see as much on a beach as you can in a strip club, so I don’t believe she has that much to worry about and maybe she’d be willing to make an exception in this particular situation.

Of course another choice is a while lie. But that would only work if everyone else who went was going to keep the night’s activities a secret. I’m generally in favor of white lies, and since I don’t think a bachelor party going to a strip club is that big a deal, I could see that being an option. But if your brother, or anyone else in the group, has a big mouth, and who knows what information might get passed around at the wedding, then the risk of getting caught would be significant, and it would make the situation much worse.

You could also speak to the other people putting together the bachelor party. Maybe most of them don’t want to go to a strip club and so your problem would be solved. But if it seems that they do want to go, and that your brother agrees, then I would say that you should talk to your wife and decide once you see her reaction.