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| Why doesn't my boyfriend want to have sex with me? |
 My boyfriend and I have sex like once or twice a month. He is very affectionate and pays a lot of attention to me and I feel loved. He likes to cuddle and loves to give me lots kisses on my cheek and hugs or caress me. We sleep together every night and he holds me the entire night. However, whenever I try to have sex, he is too tired or acts oblivious to the fact that I am trying to initiate sex. When I move over to him and begin kissing him or touching him "there," he kisses me back while moving my hands away from his "zones" and wants to cuddle instead. Sometimes I get all ready and even dress up to try and excite him and he will act like he is all of a sudden so tired that he can’t keep his eyes open. What is the deal? I thought all men liked sex. He tells me he doesn’t need sex or crave it all the time and that he is just so busy during the day at work that he just wants to come home and cuddle with me. The occasional times we do have sex, there is no foreplay and he refuses to take any direction even when I tell him his position or force is hurting me or making me uncomfortable. I love him very much and he treats me like a princess and with respect. I feel guilty for even making a deal out of it because he is so caring and attentive and supports everything I do. We are best friends and I can always depend on him to be honest, respectful and loving. Is sex not that important? Am I being insensitive? I do not feel sexy or like a woman around him and it hurts.
 I can never give an accurate diagnosis based just on what people tell me, but I’ll tell you the impression I got upon reading what you’ve written; I think he’s gay, whether or not he’s admitted that to himself. He likes being with you but he’s not attracted to you sexually. He knows he can’t avoid sex altogether, but he tries his hardest. Now there could be some other reason, but I think the odds are high enough that you have to get to the bottom of this, because you don’t want to invest a lot of time with him and at some point he’ll admit the truth, whatever it is, and leave you. So go to see a counselor and see what you can learn. |
