 My husband and I have been married for nearly 4 years (we've been together for nearly 6 years). My husband and I bicker over the subject of masturbation.
He does that often. I’m not really sure how often, but he does admit to it. When I find out that he is doing that, I have negative feelings. I have hurt feelings because I don't know why he would choose to do that rather than have sex with me. He says that it’s not the same thing or the same feeling to him and that it’s just something that he feels that he has to do. He says that he doesn't feel that he is masturbating instead of having sex with me. However, that’s exactly how I feel. He thinks that we are doing it enough and that I shouldn’t be counting how often we do it. We generally have sex once or twice a week, occasionally more than that per week (in case you needed to know our frequency). He thinks that I don’t like him to masturbate because I think he is a deviant and disgusting, but that isn’t the case at all. I know it’s reality that masturbation is something that is natural to do and nearly everyone does it. I just plain feel left out.
I don't understand it because I am available to him really any time he wants. I overall do not understand the need for masturbation because it really doesn't do anything (satisfy) for me. I don't know if it has anything to do with the fact that I have never experienced an orgasm or not. I have talked to my OBGYN about my issue of not being able to have an orgasm and he told me that it is normal for some to never experience it. I can deal with never experiencing an orgasm, but how can I deal with the jealousy feelings? I feel like it’s foolish to be jealous of his masturbation, but am uncertain on how to cope with my feelings. How can I convince my husband to masturbate less and have sex with me more? He says that masturbation increases his libido for me. I disagree. He only lasts 5-15 minutes on average. Please help!
 While I know that your question is mostly about his masturbation, I’m going to skip over that for the moment and go to something else you wrote, or your doctor said, that it is normal for some people to never experience orgasm. While it’s true that there are many women who have difficulties having orgasms, that doesn’t make it “normal.” Yes, there are still far too many women who don’t know how to have orgasms, but it doesn’t mean that most of them cannot have orgasms. Very few women are incapable of having orgasms, and most of those have a medical condition of some sort such as depression or diabetes. So before worrying about your husband’s masturbation, you need to teach yourself how to have orgasms. I think part of your difficulty lies in the fact that you said your husband only lasts 5 to 15 minutes. A majority of women cannot have an orgasm from intercourse alone, no matter how long the man lasts. So you need to stimulate your clitoris, which either your husband could do or you could do, perhaps using a vibrator to make sure that you get enough stimulation, and see if you can’t have an orgasm.
Because when the two of you have sex he is the only one to have an orgasm, it makes some sense that he might prefer to masturbate. When both partners have orgasms, a sexual encounter becomes a lot more erotic. But if he’s not pleasing you, then I can understand that his motivation to have sex with you would be less. Once you do become orgasmic, that situation will change and maybe, if he hasn’t gotten too used to masturbating, he will masturbate less and have sex with you more often. I can’t guarantee that, but at the very least, you’ll get a lot more pleasure from sex if you’re having orgasms, so starting today, begin the process of learning how to become orgasmic. If you can’t figure this out on your own, then get a book. Lonnie Barbach’s For Yourself is very good. And if a book can’t help you, then go to see a sex therapist.
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