The romance is dead and I have no sex drive. Help!
ImageMy guy is 44 and I'm 40. We have seven children from elementary to college age. Early menopause runs in my family and Ive been pre-menopausal for four years now. I feel like I have no sex drive. I'm chilled in the bed and an hour away from being excited; while he's over-heated, and has had an erection for too long and gone sweaty, clammy and limp. We are only staying married for the kids now. The romance is dead and Im so lonely. Help.

 

ImageYou have seven children, your relationship is terrible and youre blaming pre-menopause for your lack of a sex drive? Your situation has zero to do with your hormones and everything to do with these other factors. I think the bottom line is that the two of you need marital counseling, but let me offer this advice in the meantime. Ask one of your older children to babysit the younger ones, and the two of you take a weekend off. See if you cant rekindle your emotional relationship. Dont worry about the sex for right now. Make sure that your husband has an orgasm or two over these couple of days, but if you dont feel like it, if youre not sufficiently aroused, then dont try to force yourself. I dont expect your relationship to completely heal itself in a weekend. The goal is to get the two of you heading in a positive direction. If that happens, and then if both of you keep working at the healing the relationship, eventually your libido will return. Keep him sexually satisfied in the meantime and dont expect that your desire for sex ever has to match his. You need to get to the point where you do have orgasms, but you need only have them as often as you want to have them. But for you to have any desire for sex at all, you absolutely need to have a good relationship.

 
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