Can poor sexual instincts be remedied?

ImageI am a middle-aged man. I am in a relationship with a wonderful, loving woman, who is quite a bit younger than me. The problem is I am quite worried about the poor quality of our sex life.

I have had quite a few lovers in my life and felt satisfied sexually with all of them. Although each of my previous intimate relationships were different, my partners seemed to be naturally quite good at sex. My current girlfriend has little or no experience at sex. I think I am the only man she has ever had intercourse with. She tries very hard to please me, and apparently has done some research on good techniques etc. Despite this, she seems to have very poor erotic instincts.

I'll give some specific examples.

She is the first woman I have ever been with that does not really know how to kiss. She always keeps her mouth wedged about as wide open as it can go. I feel like I am kissing open air. Then, she constantly flicks the very tip of her tongue on my lips on tongue. It's just weird, and extremely un-erotic. I have tried gently to get her to relax her jaw and close her lips from time to time, but she does not catch on.

When she gives me a hand job, she grabs my penis tight and stretches the skin painfully up and down in slow jerks rather than sliding across the skin. I finally mentioned this to her, and she said she learned this technique on a sex tips website. Maybe some men like this, but all my previous lovers seemed to know intuitively that the friction should mimic intercourse, more or less, i.e. skin should slide across skin sometimes.

It is physically very awkward to actually penetrate her. The postures she adopts seem to indicate that she has no intuition about the geometry and physical makeup of our bodies. I have to struggle to readjust her position throughout the ordeal.

Finally, she often does not lubricate very much, despite lengthy and patient foreplay. Then at some point she tells me to go ahead. But penetration is difficult, and she tends to grimace as though in pain. Naturally, this tends to make me stop and ask if she's all right. She inevitably replies, "just push." She does not seem to realize how un-erotic it is to make a face at the moment of penetration.

Her cultural and family background are very sexually repressed. She talks about this freely. I sometimes wonder if she is unconsciously uncomfortable with sex and would prefer to avoid it except to please me. Despite all this, I really like her and believe that I could come to love her a lot. Her other qualities are likely to wear well over the course of a relationship.

No doubt you will say that communication is the key, but I feel very worried about telling her, little be little, that she is doing almost everything the wrong way for me. I think the problem is - she just has limited erotic intuition. Can this be remedied?

ImageYoure looking at this rather selfishly, it seems to me. Yes, her conduct in bed is not the best with regards to your pleasure, but how much pleasure do you think shes getting? Since youre the older man in this relationship, and you do have more experience, you have a duty to share it with her. Youll benefit, of course, but so will she. Now I cant promise that this relationship is going to last forever, but given your lengthy description of all the problems shes bringing to this relationship, I dont see it lasting very long if things continue the way they are going. So if you do talk to her and tell her how to become a better lover, even if she decides that this was so upsetting that she wants to leave you, which I doubt will happen, at least shell have learned something from this relationship. But if you keep silent, she wont have learned a thing, and the relationship will still crash and burn. So yes, communication is the key, but it will only work if you actually communicate with her.

 
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