How can I get my husband to discover me again?
ImageI am so sad, I cannot tell you how low I am. My husband and I have been married 37 years this November. He told me about a month ago that he is not in love with me anymore and is in love with another woman.

He said this because we did not have sex for two years and that I never initiated sex after he had prostrate surgery. He told me he has no feelings for me anymore. He told me he did not want to have sex with me. I thought it was because of his surgery and problems he was having after surgery, but after he told me this, I was completely shocked. I started asking him for sex everyday. I missed it, but now he said he is turned off by my body and said he is disgusted with the way I look. I have lost 40 pounds just recently and yes, I can honestly say that my stomach hangs down, but I have started walking on the treadmill and am slimming down, but it is going to take time. We must not have very good communication. I never thought he would want a divorce. I have completely committed to him and have loved him unconditionally my whole life and this rejection of me is so hard. I am so confused. What can I do to help him discover me again? I will do anything.

ImageI am answering your question not so much because I think I can help you but rather because its an important example for others. The two of you had two sexless years and as a result he found another woman. You assumed that you werent having sex because of the surgery, but obviously that assumption was wrong. Sexless marriages are inherently unstable. Sex isnt the most important part of a marital relationship, but it is the glue that holds it together. So without the glue, the rest of the pieces of the relationship are much more prone to falling apart, which is what happened to you. So my advice to anyone out there whos in a sexless or nearly sexless marriage is to try to relight those fires, assuming you dont want the marriage to end.

As you your individual problem, sorry, but I dont hold out much hope for the marriage. He hasnt moved out, so theres a slim chance that it can be saved, but its not your looks that are the issue, but rather the state of your relationship. He resented you for not having sex with him (and Im not saying he wasnt at fault too but hes still laying most of the blame on you it seems) and so now he no longer loves you. Your only hope is to go for marital therapy. I dont say the odds are high that the marriage can be saved, but I think short of professional counseling, theres little chance of that happening.

 
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