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Is he picturing someone else during intercourse? |
 I have been in a relationship with my boyfriend for almost four years. A couple months ago we hit a rough patch and decided to not live together and take a break from the relationship for a while.
Since this has happened, we have had intercourse a few times and 50% of those times he has been turning out the lights. This wouldn't bother me if we had regularly done this before, but we always had the lights on or dimmed, not off completely. I wonder if there is a significant reason for this, i.e. if he is picturing someone else during intercourse. Does that mean he has feelings for someone else or am I overreacting due to the uncertainty of this relationship? Nonetheless, I always snap the lights back on right after he turns them off. I want him to see me. Your insight would be appreciated.
 I’m someone who believes in so-called gut instincts, and so if you believe that he’s shutting the lights because he doesn’t really want to be with you then you may be right. To me, the bigger question is, why are you still having sex? I understand this is a “break” and not a permanent split, but such breaks shouldn’t go on forever. If you’re still seeing each other and having sex, then you’re preventing this break from having its natural outcome, which would be either that you get back together or split permanently. You’ve already invested almost four years of your life in this relationship. At some point you have to decide whether you’re going to make it permanent or move on. You don’t want to waste five, six or more years on someone who isn’t really right just for the convenience of it. Either you love each other or you don’t. So use this lights off situation as a trigger. Tell him that the time has come to make a decision about this relationship, and that you’re not going to have sex any more unless you get back together.
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