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How do I accept desiring sex, contrary to what I have been told? |
My issue is that ever since I was little, I have been curious about sex.
My mom isn't exactly the "talking" type when it comes to that subject, so I talked to my grandma if I had questions. The problem was that all her answers came out as if proper "ladies" didn't really talk about sex or even admit that they LIKED or WANTED sex. Her opinions have always echoed in my head making me feel like WANTING sex is wrong. I am 18 years old now, not a virgin, but always criticizing myself for liking or wanting sex. How do I start making sexual decisions for myself without anyone else’s opinion thrown in?
There are two steps with regards to thoughts or emotions that pop up in an unwanted fashion. The initial step is one that is not in your control. If you once fell off of a bike, you’re going to feel some fear every time you think of riding a bike. But that shouldn’t stop you. Instead you must take the second step, which is under your control, which is to push those fears aside and start pedaling. Over time the feelings of fear will diminish, though they may never go away entirely, but overcoming them will be easier and easier. I chose bike riding rather than sex because some of your grandmother’s advice might have been sound. A little caution when it comes to sex is a good thing. But again, you can overcome the “echo” as you call it if you put your mind to it. You can’t stop your grandmother’s advice from popping up initially, at least not yet, but you can learn to push it aside so that it doesn’t affect you more than momentarily. Certainly desiring sex is absolutely a good thing, and it’s sad that there were generations of women who thought that sex was something to be endured rather than enjoyed. You know better, and armed with this knowledge all you have to do is to accept her words when they pop up in your head. Rather than try to fight them from arising all together, which you won’t be able to do, you’ll see that you’ll be able to push them aside after a second or two.
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