|
Could having sex in front of others risk my marriage? |
 My wife and I have been married for 19 years. Recently, close friends of ours admitted that they had attended a swingers club.
In discussing their activities and experiences, both my wife and I agreed that we would not want to risk our marriage with that type of activity. However, in subsequent discussions with my wife, I admitted that I wouldn't mind watching other people engage in sexual activity, and might enjoy being watched. Given a concrete rule that no sex would occur with anyone else, could simply watching others risk our marriage? I know we could just watch porn, but it doesn't provide the same thrill. What do you think?
 I’m not going to deny that it couldn’t add extra excitement, assuming that you’re both willing. And it would be less risky than actually having sex with others. But, it’s not without risk either. First of all, you’re both going to start making comparisons because you won’t be able to stop yourself. There’s going to be some guy with a really big penis (and I am sure that these clubs attract men who just love to show off their equipment) making an exhibition of himself by having loud and vigorous sex in front of everybody. How’s that going to make you feel? What’s going to go through your wife’s mind? And there will be women who are sexier than your wife there. The same questions will pop up. So one set of dangers is that such a visit could stir up all sorts of anxieties.
But, let’s say you end up enjoying yourselves. What happens when you get back home? Is sex going to feel flat and boring by comparison? Are you going to require having sex in front of others in order to be fully satisfied? And what if one of you feels that it was great but the other doesn’t? Or what if one of you decides that you want to take that next step and have sex with other people and the other doesn’t ever want to go back to a swinger’s club again? How’s that going to affect your relationship?
And then you have to look at what you’re risking. How valuable is your marriage and your relationship to each of you? If you visit a casino and you only have access to $100, then that’s one thing, but if you had your life savings in your pocket, that would be quite another. So even if the risk is not that big, is the possible payoff worth getting if the possible worst case scenario is also possible? If you want my opinion, don’t do it. Try something else instead. Go find a private area and make love outdoors while using your imagination that people are looking. Or maybe you could visit one of those singles resorts where they have a private area where people do have sex in public. At least the cost and the distance would make it less likely that this experience would lead to a serious tear in your marriage.
|
