First thank you for taking the time to read this. My problem is, I don't feel that my husband finds me attractive. I am 5'1 weighing 85 pounds which is what I was when we first met. We have two children. I do not have any stretch marks and I take very good care of my body. We just moved to a new state and I really don't have anyone to talk to. I stay home with the children while my husband works many hours. Needless to say, he is tired ALL of the time. When he comes home I'm ready for him to hold me, hug me, kiss me, you get the picture. It seems to be (with kissing) that it is a peck in the morning and a peck when he comes home and then again when we go to sleep. When we dated we had the most passionate kisses that lasted forever it seemed. And the same with sex. Now, I can honestly say he can go for weeks without have sex. And when that happens, when we do have sex it is, lets say less than five minutes. I have recently tried wearing sexy things and lighting candles and so fourth. But how can I get him to look at me more, to give a passionate kiss that one that makes you feel loved, and how can I get him not to be so tired? I've tried it all! 

First of all, stop blaming yourself. By telling me that your looks haven’t changed indicates that you’ve thought that you were the one with a problem, but clearly that’s not the case. I also don’t believe that his being tired is the problem. Yes that can be a problem for a night or two, but if he never wants to have sex, then there is something else happening; the question is, what is that something. 

If in addition to working hard he’s also under a lot of pressure, perhaps afraid that he is going to lose his job for example, that could affect his libido, his desire for sex. So if he’s not just tired, but worried about something, then you have to see what you can do to alleviate those worries. If, for example, he’s having financial difficulties, he might find is more arousing if you agreed to stop spending so much money than if you go out and buy an expensive negligee. 

It could be that because he’s so busy he’s turned to masturbation instead of having sex with you, since masturbation will take him less time and effort. Or it could be that at least some of the late hours he’s putting in are not work related, but that he’s having an affair. The only way for you to find this out is to talk about it with him. Don’t act angry, but you have to let him know very firmly that you don’t want to live in a sexless marriage. Hopefully you can get him to open up and tell you what is happening. Maybe he’d agree to go for some counseling. 

You do have to get to the bottom of this situation, and writing to me was a start. Now you have to go a bit further on your own. If necessary, go to see a marital counselor yourself. That professional may be able to help you get to the bottom of what is going on.