How Do I Convince My Wife I’m Not A Pervert?

ImageI have been married for 10 years. I have twin boys. I am a very successful salesman. I love my wife. My problem is the following. I have always enjoyed watching very high end porn. I have done this over the past 5 years without my wife's knowledge. She found my collection last weekend and is very upset.

I do understand why she could feel this way. I did not tell her or invite her to watch with me because she is very "straight laced". I have always had to be very "nice" in order to talk her into sex once per week. She has told me that sex once per month would be more than enough for her. Porn was my way of seeing what others may be experiencing and a way for me to see fantasies without cheating. As a salesman on the road for 8+ years, I could have had affairs at anytime. I do hold my marriage vows close to my heart and have never had an affair.

My wife will not speak to me and says that I am a pervert. I do not think that I am. Please tell me what you think. I know that I should not have kept this secret from her, but I do not consider myself as a pervert.

ImageI don’t consider you a pervert either, but for the sake of your marriage, how I feel is not really all that relevant. Your wife is the one that has to be convinced. It’s quite possible that given a few more weeks she’ll start to calm down, but I would expect that she’s going to want you to promise never to indulge in this activity again. But since she doesn’t want to have sex as often as you do, that’s going to be problematic for you. My question for you is, can you keep the images of this erotic material in your mind and use it to masturbate without having to actually keep an entire collection of it hidden? You could certainly refresh your selection of these mental images by looking at erotic material when you are on the road, far from your wife. This is not a perfect compromise, but it is a workable one. If that does not work, then perhaps the two of you should see a marital or sex therapist. 

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