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Honesty Was Not The Best Policy |
 Dr. Ruth, I guess I goofed. I thought being open and honest would keep problems at bay.
However, it seems my honesty is now causing the problem. My husband and I were honest with each other about our pasts. (Although, I admit I missed a warning sign when he wasn't completely honest the first time around.) I went through a very scary time when I let booze lead my sex life and let me tell you it led quite the party. I have long since sobered up and now have a husband and a family. ( I was lucky and escaped unharmed from STD's although I did end up with a child from it- thus the sobering up part. I don't think it is fair to drink while you are pregnant.) Anyway, I ended up having sex with a total of 14 men - he has only had sex with 4 women. When we first got together this wasn't a problem. In fact at first he told me he had been with "quite a few women". As the relationship got more serious he finally told the truth. We are now married and he wants to catch up with my number! I am appalled and hurt that he is even thinking about it. He brings it up, not me. He thinks that if I could get that many guys while drunk and overweight why can't he looking as great as a model (or in my opinion a Greek god) get even half that many. He says he tried. I know he did. I turned him down like 50 times before I said yes to a date. (I was in another relationship when he asked - although he was very tempting then. I don't know why no one else would say yes to him). What can I tell him to get him to realize that he really needs to just let go and grow up about it? I am really tired of the stupid fights we have over this.
 As you may know, I am always advising people not to reveal too much about their past to their current partners, and you are a poster child proving why I say this. It’s rare that any good can come of such revelations, and very often there is harm, of the sort you’re encountering.
Of course there is more to this than you’re saying, though you may not know the entire story either. If your relationship was perfect, he wouldn’t be thinking this way, so obviously something else is going on to cause him to feel inadequate. Rather than guess as to what it may be, the two of you should see a marital therapist, who will talk to each of you individually. Hopefully the therapist can get to the bottom of this so that you can work it out.
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