Help! I Don't Know How To Move On
ImageI'm 17 and a Junior in high school. I'm working on getting into college. I'm on anti-depressants.

My psychologists say I'm more emotionally and intellectually mature then my peers. My father died when I was 7 (I don't know if that's relevant). And I'm really close with my mom.

When I was 15 I was about to move 400 miles away from the home and friends I had grown up with. I started dating Thomas in May. I thought I had fallen in love. On July 4 (yes I know, fireworks), he and I had sex, both of our first times. In August, I moved. We broke up in late December despite our feelings. It hurt to much otherwise. He has since gotten him self engaged.

In February I met Eric. We had sex the first time the second week of March (a few days after I turned 16). I was sure we would be together for ever. I was his first real girlfriend and sexual partner. He treated me like an angel. It was amazing. I was madly in love. Problem was, Eric was 2 years ahead of me in school and went to college the following August. By the time November rolled around, we were only seeing each other on weekends, and were having sex EVERY time we saw each other. We had grown apart emotionally but some how the sex became absolutely AMAZING! I'm telling you, every position, every kind. It was great. In late November Eric met someone else and left me, without my knowledge. I was still in love with him and it broke my heart.

I got my rebound guy in December. Dan was a friend of a friend. He was a virgin too, until about February. I didn't realize he was just a rebound until mid-April. We're still friends, going on a month later. Problem: Before I realized what was happening, I slept with Ted, my best guy friend, the NIGHT Dan and I broke up. There wasn't a real emotional thing, purely physical.

Now for my issues:
1. I feel like a "slut." I know I'm not sleeping around with all of the guys I meet. But I have had sex with 4 guys. I don't really see it as wrong. But my friends look at me like I'm insane because I'm so physical. I'm not sure how to feel about it.
2. I still miss Eric. I think about him, our relationship, especially the sex, all of the time. I have dreams that I'm with him again. EVERYTHING reminds me of him. We have a lot of the same friends. His girlfriend goes to school with me. And yet he will not see me, speak to me, or anything. Not so much as an explanatory email. My heart is still broken. I don't know how to get my self over him.
3. Since Dan and I broke up, I've been masturbating almost daily. Its good, and I climax, but I'm not completely satisfied. I'm left craving more. I only have my hands because I'm still only 17 and my mom would freak it I had a toy. I don't want to mess up and sleep with some random kid I hardly know or something. I don't know how to fix THAT.
4. I've been lonely. Lonely in every sense of the word. I miss having really close friends I can spend a lot of time with. I miss a boyfriend. I miss having someone to call when something exciting happens. I miss intimacy. I miss intellectual stimulation. I miss being held. I had all of that with Eric. We were so close in the beginning. I've been lacking it since November! 6 months already.

Basically...What do I do? I cant move on with my life. I cant concentrate because of my sexual urges. I'm so high energy all the time, but never in a productive way. Its true that I am a growing, emotional, hormone filled teenager. And that I should be concentrating on school and friends. But I'm so lost.

ImageYou can never forget the past, and it does affect you, but it doesnt have to trap you either, plus it can also teach you some important lessons. So basically my suggestion is to tell yourself that youre going to start from scratch.

Why do adults say that teenagers are too young to be having sex? Because its easy to fall into the trap that you fell into. I admit there are some teens who become a close couple and sex becomes a natural part of their relationship and its not a problem for them, but whats happened to you shows that when sex takes a priority, it can mess up other important aspects of your life which in turn can have serious consequences on your entire life. For example, if your grades suffer because of your relationship issues, and either you dont get into college, or dont get into the best college that you could given your potential, then that might end up costing you the best job you could have and maybe trap you in some career that youll never truly be satisfied with. So your first priority has to be your schoolwork at your age, not your sex life.

Your second priority should be creating a full social life for yourself. If you have lots of friends, they will take the place of your need to be with a boyfriend. Then you can take your time in finding the right boyfriend, one with whom you can develop a stable relationship. That probably means not having sex for quite a while. Just because youve been sexually active doesnt mean that you have to sleep with your next boyfriend right away. Take your time and see whether or not this person is the right one for you. Since you already do masturbate, that will keep you from being sexually frustrated. So stop telling yourself that youre on a runaway train because youre not. You do have control; you just have to learn to exercise it.

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