He often looses his erection during sex and claims I need to "tighten up" so to speak and that's why he can't stay hard. Strangely, I feel like I'm doing something wrong and it's my problem (I do try kegel exercises during sex and it makes no difference). In addition, he can't reach an orgasm in any other sexual position other than when i lie on my stomach and have my legs tight together. Missionary is out of the question and it's always been like this. It's getting to the point I no longer want to date him because of this and he's beyond mad when I talk to him about it and is convinced I need to do kegel exercises. He does work very long hours and i realize sleep is essential for optimum sexual experience. In addition he works out 2-3 times a week so he's in good health. I really don't know what to do. I love him very much and want to save our relationship but hate always having sex with my face in a pillow and back to him just so he can reach an orgasm. So any suggestions would be greatly appreciated. Thank you so, so much doctor!
Some people, both men and women, develop a method of reaching orgasm that cannot be varied. It doesn’t matter why this has happened to him, and forget what he says about you not being tight enough because this is 100% his problem and he’s just not admitting to it, probably because he feels badly about it. Before or after he has his orgasm in this way, does he do whatever you need to give you an orgasm? If he does, and if you really love him and the relationship is a good one in every other way, then maybe you just have to engage in intercourse this way. People make very big sacrifices for people they love. You read about people falling in love with someone who is seriously handicapped and those people feel it’s absolutely worth the sacrifices they make for their partner to be in that relationship. So this is his handicap and you have to decide whether or not it’s worth making this sacrifice for this man. But don’t stay in the relationship out of any guilt that you may feel. If you don’t want to be in this relationship because you’re not satisfied with your sex life, then make that decision immediately, wish him well but say goodbye. Don’t dilly dally. You wrote to me so that proves that this is a serious issue for you. So make up your mind within a few days of reading this and then follow through. If you’re going to stay with him, then you have to accept that your sex life is going to remain the way it is. If you can’t accept that, then end the relationship quickly.