To make a long story short, he reconnected with a friend and she came out to see him and they ended up in the same bed. He lied to me that night. I only found out because I decided to come over to see if he was ok because he did not answer any of my phone calls, only to find them in bed together. He was surprised when he first saw me and kicked the other woman out on the steps after I went nuts. He explained to me that it was a big mistake and he regrets letting her in the door. He has not communicated with her since the event and does not have any desire to. Everyone has told me to leave him because I caught him but I love him so much I can't do it. He has broken down and cried pleading for me to stay in the relationship. I have not stopped crying the past few days and do not know what to do. I want to work things out but can't see how we can rebuild the trust between us. We are still very much in love and are frustrated with this situation. What is the best way to fix this relationship? Hope you can shed some light on this for me.

I understand the need to tell your friends and maybe family members what happened, because you are so upset, and rightfully so. However, you can’t always trust their advice because they’re not you. It’s easy and natural to say that you should just leave him, and that may be the right decision for them if they were in your situation, but they’re not in your shoes and so it may not be the right decision for you. I’m not going to tell you what to do because only you can make that decision, but don’t allow yourself to get pushed into making a decision that you might later regret. I say this especially because there seem to be extenuating circumstances. If your boyfriend had gone after someone else, that would be another story, but it seems he just gave in to temptation, and while that’s not a good thing, it’s not so bad that it can’t be forgiven. If you’re having a hard time coming to a decision, then I would suggest that you talk to a therapist for a few sessions. The therapist will be impartial and should help you to see what you really want to do and then help you to follow through.

If you decide to stay together, while you will never forget what happened, eventually time will allow you to trust him again. Lightning can strike twice at the same place, but it’s unlikely, and so it’s unlikely that either this or some other past flame will come knocking on his door. But I would insist that he be tested for STDs before you get back together, if that’s the decision you make. Also, once you make that decision, don’t waver back and forth. Don’t continually bring it up and take it out on him. Your relationship will never heal if you do and you might as well break up. He hurt you, but if you don’t work together to heal the relationship, then the healing process will never have a chance to make the needed repairs.