However, when we first started dating, I was about 20 lbs lighter, so that is a big difference. My husband recently just completely stopped having sex with me, and I think that it has something to do with physical attraction. I want to make him physically attracted to me (so I have been looking at yoga classes), but I don't want him to be so totally shallow that all he looks at is my physical looks. What do I do? My psychiatrist thinks that I will eventually realize how great I am, and walk out on him, but I don't want another failed marriage under my belt (this is my second marriage).Also, he is not self gratifying himself (which I find odd), he is just not in the mood for sex. Is this just because he thinks that I am ugly?
You are making a lot of assumptions here, such as the reason the two of you are not having sex is because you put on 20 pounds and that he’s not masturbating. I could make ten other suppositions, but what would be the point? He’s obviously not telling you what’s going on, but he must know. If the rest of your relationship is fine, then make a serious effort to get him to open up. Don’t blindside him by asking him when he’s not ready to talk, or badger him by continually bringing up the subject. I would suggest that you make an appointment to talk about your relationship. If he refuses, then write him a letter expressing how you feel. If he won’t respond to anything, then your psychiatrist is right; it’s time to move on. But you’ll feel better about moving on if you make a very good effort at trying to get to the bottom of what’s happening between the two of you. It’s not your fault, whatever it is, so don’t blame yourself. So make one, last serious effort to get him to reveal to you what’s going on, and then act accordingly.