We're almost like best friends (which is kind of how we started dating) We never really fight and we have great sex. But, how can I get him to be more affectionate. I like to hold hands and kiss, but he doesn't think to do these things. I think we could really have a great relationship if I could just get the point across to him that I need more than just great sex. I have flat out told him how I feel yet he still does nothing to change it. We are both young and still have a lot of growing up to do so I understand if we're not ready for total "let's-get-married-next-month" commitment, I just need to know what it means that he never shows any affection toward me. thanks for your time!

As is often the case with the questions I get, there could be more than one answer, and unless I were to speak with him in my office there’s no way to know what the real answer is. But here are some possibilities of what might be going through his head. It could be because he thought of you as a friend for so long that he’s a bit confused and so feels uncomfortable showing affection to a “friend.” Or maybe he doesn’t love you but is having sex with you because it’s convenient, but won’t go so far as to show you affection that he doesn’t feel Or else he’s one of those people who never feels comfortable being affectionate. He may come from a home where affection was never shown and so he doesn’t like to give or receive signs of affection. He may be afraid of commitment and so figures that as long as he doesn’t give you any signs of affection, he hasn’t committed himself. Or maybe he’s secretly in love with someone else who’s not interested in him, but he can’t bear to give her up and so would feel as if he was betraying her if he showed you any signs of commitment. Or it could be another reason entirely. So you see I can’t really answer your question, though maybe one of these theories will strike a chord with you.