She is almost everything I want in a woman, except for one thing: she is overweight, perhaps by 30-40lbs. I am very athletic, and have been attracted to athletic women all of my life. As much as we have great chemistry, and I'm attracted to her in every other way, I lose my erection whenever we begin, or are about to begin having intercourse. It's happened on several occasions now, and I'm concerned it may be something I'm unable to overcome. I have two questions.

1) How can I keep my erection when I’m not physically attracted to her body, as I know I’m very visual when it comes to that sort of thing.

2) Is there a way to delicately suggest that I’m concerned about her weight, and the short and long term effects it will have on her health, and perhaps our sex life and/or relationship as well? I feel like I’m in a no win situation, but I’d really like to make this work.

I’m sure that if you put your mind to it, you could find a way to become aroused by this woman’s body so that the source of the problem you encountered lies elsewhere. My guess is that the reason you couldn’t maintain your erection was caused by your insecurities about being in a sexual relationship with a long-time friend. You were probably thinking “What if this doesn’t work out, then I could lose her as a lover and a friend” and those worries, or something similar, caused you to lose your erection. So to fix this problem, you just have to put this idea that you can’t be aroused by her body out of your mind.

It certainly would be a good idea to try to help her to lose weight as that would be beneficial to her health. But you absolutely cannot say to her that you don’t find her attractive. In fact, I would advise you to say nothing about her weight, but instead encourage a healthy lifestyle for the two of you. For example, in the evening, go for long walks. Maybe after a while, you could jog a little in between walking. If you like to go to the gym, buy her a membership. Or buy yourselves two memberships and start going to encourage her. Go shopping together and do whatever you can to stock your fridge and cupboards with healthy foods. You might have to make some sacrifices. If you like chips and beer, then maybe you’ll have to forego them so that she won’t be tempted.

But just because you try to help her to lose weight doesn’t mean that she’ll succeed. You have to accept that possibility. It seems that the overall relationship is a good one and that her being overweight isn’t enough to keep you apart, so rather than focus on her weight, which will harm the relationship, do whatever it takes to get over what you don’t admire about her appearance.