To me it’s a natural part of love making and great foreplay. The issue is my wife hates receiving and giving oral sex. I don’t wish to cum in her face or her mouth, I just wish to watch her going down on me where the penis is taken into the mouth and worked on for a few minutes. And I wish to return the favor.

We have had a couple of frank chats but she appears embarrassed to talk and quickly clams up, saying something like, "I don’t have to try something to know i don’t like it. I know I won’t like watersports and anal, and oral the same." I have no interest in water or anal!

What can we do?

There is probably nothing you can do, because if your wife really doesn’t want to engage in these activities, it is her right and you shouldn’t try to pressure her. However you’re entitled to try to convince her, as long as you don’t cross the line into pressuring her. And here are two offers that you could make that might help you.

One issue that people who don’t want to try oral sex may have has to do with cleanliness. Because you urinate from your penis, she may dislike the thought of putting her mouth from the place where urine comes from. What sometimes works is to allow her to thoroughly clean your penis. If you take a shower together and she makes sure that your penis is clean, she may agree to give you a minimum amount of oral sex, i.e. a minute or so of kissing or licking it. If she doesn’t find that too offensive, then maybe you can make further progress later on.

Another reason that women may not like to perform oral sex is that they don’t want their mouth to come into contact with any seminal fluid. Because a penis leaks Cowper’s fluid prior to ejaculation, just because you may promise not to ejaculate in her mouth doesn’t protect her from coming into contact with some fluid. But if you were to wear a condom, she would then have that protection, so I would suggest that you offer that possibility. And if she agrees, who knows if after a while of performing oral sex with a condom, she might not later on change her mind about an unprotected penis.

As to your performing oral sex on her, some women don’t allow it because then they’d feel the need to reciprocate. Maybe if you take that possibility off the table, promising never to bring up the fact that you do it to her when trying to convince her to do it to you, she might relent, though she also might not