She says she doesn't regret it but it does bother me-particularly when she brings it up, either when a name pops up or a situation. I must say she is also bothered by seeing and having to interact with my ex-wife (we have 3 kids) My fiancee says she hates to think of me and my ex having sex but this is how I feel when she mentions her past yet she doesn't think the two situations are the same. How can I not let her colorful past nag at me? And its not just the number of partners, it’s the situations and acts (threesomes, foursomes, etc) It makes me feel I have to compete with her past. I have a theory about why she has had so many partners-she was raped at 14 and I don't think she has dealt with it. I do love her and we thus far have enjoyed a great sex life.

There are always two sides to every story, which is why when a couple comes to my office I interview them separately to get at the truth. In this situation I can’t do that, but only hearing your side, I have to say that she seems to be acting immaturely. Since you have three children with your ex-wife, obviously the two of you have to interact and that will never stop because after they’re grown and married, you’ll be sharing grandchildren. Marriages without children can end and the two parties never have to see each other again, but once children come along, that situation changes. I can understand that it bothers her to think of your interaction with your former wife, but there is nothing to be done about it. On the other hand, she should understand that hearing about her past love life bothers you, and since there’s no justifiable reason to bring it up, she should just stop it.

Maybe the reason she doesn’t is because she feels badly about you still seeing your former sex partner and this is her way of getting back at you. And maybe this reaction does have something to do with a self-esteem problem stemming from her rape. As I said, I don’t know her side of the story. But if you both love each other, the time has come to stop this drama; stop playing tit for tat. I suggest you show her my answer, and if she won’t accept it, then the two of you ought to go for counseling. By visiting a therapist, who’ll be able to talk to the two of you, you’ll be able to get to the bottom of all this and hopefully end this game