I love my mother very much but I noticed after my dad died that she started knowing many guys and go out with them. I know that it is her life but 2 months ago I saw her changing her clothes and I saw a big tattoo on her back and it was of a man’s sex organ with her name and word slut. I want to know is my mom in the wrong way and can I ask her about her life? Please help me.

I’m going to tell you to talk with your mom, but I’ll begin by passing on some cautionary advice. First of all, as you said, it’s your mom’s life. She’s entitled to her privacy, as are you. So she should be free to date whomever she wants without needing your permission. But as important as is her privacy, it’s also important that you not be burdened by acting as her conscience. At your age you have a lot on your plate, doing well in school, spending time with your friends, etc. and so if she’s been keeping her love life private, all in all I think that’s a good thing. If she shared every detail with you, you’d start to feel responsible. However, because she is your mother and not your friend, she is also a role model for you (and any siblings you might have.) So while what she does in private may be up to her, to get a tattoo like that is not appropriate in her role of mother. She is not setting a good example and she needs to hear that message. And I also believe that she owes you an explanation.

My suggestion for opening up a dialogue is to use an intermediary, another adult who can talk to her first. If you have a grandmother or aunt, tell her what you saw. She’ll then go to your mother, and then hopefully your mother will have a talk with you after she’s had time to think about it. If you confront her directly, she may get angry. She may react negatively, maybe even out of guilt, rather than think things through, and simply tell you to mind your own business. But if you get someone else to talk to her first, then hopefully she’ll be able to think about the situation more calmly and then the two of you can have a good, positive conversation. And I would also hope that from that time on, she’ll think about how her actions affect you before she goes ahead with them.