Is He Getting Cold Feet?

ImageRight now I am the bread winner because my fiancee wanted to get his degree. It's proving way worse than I thought.

In the beginning, I didn't mind because I love him and want him to get a job in his field.  Instead, what's happening is that I am constantly mad at him all of the time because when he isn't in school he's sleeping. I work all the time, and I never get any alone time anymore. I guess what I’m asking is how do I cope with this?
It seems like ever since he hasn't had a job he's been really lazy, even getting pissed at me when I ask him to do things like help me pick out our wedding cake.
We love each other, but I don't know how to tell him any of this without hurting his feelings.
AND on top of all of this, lately he's been real emotional, whereas he wasn't before. I am wondering if this is all cold feet? Please help Dr. Ruth, I'm a big fan.

ImageThe two of you have to talk about this. The question that needs to be settled is whether he is ashamed about his status and this is causing him to be depressed (all this sleeping could be a sign of depression) or whether he is selfish, maybe even too selfish to have as a husband.  There’s no way that I can tell what’s going on, and even the two of you may not be able to get to the bottom of it without professional help. But being quietly mad at him is not the way to enter into a marriage. You must resolve this ahead of time, because either you’re not suited to each other, or the current state of your relationship could cause a rift that will eventually harm your marriage.

If you’d written to me 25 years ago with this question, I might have chalked this up to “male chauvinism.” But these days most men, and especially most educated men know that they have to kick in and help around the house. Some may do it less willingly than others, but I would say that for someone in his situation, it would be the norm. So that he is sleeping instead of helping you is a sign that something is wrong, which is why you must get to the bottom of this before you get married.

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