The problem with answering a question like yours on a web site is that there could be several causes as to why you can’t have an orgasm, and ideally you should have a consultation or two with a sex therapist, who would be able to discover what exactly is going on and then give you the proper guidance. But let’s see what I can do to help without the give and take of a personal visit.

The first cause of your lack of orgasms could be that your husband is not the excellent bed partner you say he is.  And I’m not just talking physically, but  also about his knowledge of sex. Does he know, and do you, that most women cannot have an orgasm from intercourse alone? The seat of a woman’s orgasm is in her clitoris and for most women, intercourse does not cause enough clitoral stimulation to cause an orgasm and so either manual stimulation or oral stimulation is also required.

Now let’s say he does know that and has tried to give you an orgasm but  that hasn’t worked. It could be that you need to give yourself permission to have an orgasm. Some women can’t do that, at least  not while their partner is around. They need to learn how to have orgasms by masturbating. When they can do that, they can then teach their partner what they need.

Another roadblock to being orgasmic could be the one your husband mentioned, which is that you are allowing yourself to be distracted. What I would suggest in that case is to concentrate on an erotic fantasy so that you can block out other thoughts, especially any worries about having an orgasm. If you start to think, “Am I going to be able to have an orgasm this time,” I can guarantee you that you won’t.

So try those avenues on your own, but if they don’t work, then go to see a sex therapist.


The problem with answering a question like yours on a web site is that there could be several causes as to why you can’t have an orgasm, and ideally you should have a consultation or two with a sex therapist, who would be able to discover what exactly is going on and then give you the proper guidance. But let’s see what I can do to help without the give and take of a personal visit.

The first cause of your lack of orgasms could be that your husband is not the excellent bed partner you say he is.  And I’m not just talking physically, but  also about his knowledge of sex. Does he know, and do you, that most women cannot have an orgasm from intercourse alone? The seat of a woman’s orgasm is in her clitoris and for most women, intercourse does not cause enough clitoral stimulation to cause an orgasm and so either manual stimulation or oral stimulation is also required.

Now let’s say he does know that and has tried to give you an orgasm but  that hasn’t worked. It could be that you need to give yourself permission to have an orgasm. Some women can’t do that, at least  not while their partner is around. They need to learn how to have orgasms by masturbating. When they can do that, they can then teach their partner what they need.

Another roadblock to being orgasmic could be the one your husband mentioned, which is that you are allowing yourself to be distracted. What I would suggest in that case is to concentrate on an erotic fantasy so that you can block out other thoughts, especially any worries about having an orgasm. If you start to think, “Am I going to be able to have an orgasm this time,” I can guarantee you that you won’t.

So try those avenues on your own, but if they don’t work, then go to see a sex therapist.