Why Won't He Share a Bed With Me?
ImageMy boyfriend of several months doesn't like to sleep in the same bed with me.

He tells me that this has happened in the past, and that it's "not me" and that he believes it's a psychological issue. We have no problems performing in bed, but after a few hours he'll leave to go back to his place or take me back to mine. (We're both undergraduates living at college - in single dorm rooms!) I asked him what does he plan to do when/if he gets married, and he replied that she'll "have to accept it" --a statement which prompted images of a married couple sleeping in twin beds, a la Lucy and Desi. I'm 21 and he's 20, and we don't plan to get married anytime soon, but it still strikes me as a bit...odd. So basically, my question is: is it normal for a man to not want to sleep -- literally sleep -- with his girlfriend in the same bed?

ImageThose of you who read my answers regularly know how much I dislike the word normal. Normal just isnt relevant in most situations, and that applies here. Clearly the vast majority of couples sleep in the same bed. However my late husband and I did not, because he snored very loudly and I couldnt get any sleep if we shared the same room, forget bed. So what you have to do is weigh all the factors in the entire relationship. If there are many more positive factors that outweigh this one negative, then you can continue the relationship and even maybe marry. But if he has other problems along with this one, then maybe you should move on.

Let me say two more things, of opposite nature. First, hes young. He may be stuck in his ways now, but he might change after actually living with you or some woman. On the other hand, you cant count on him changing. Many people get married believing that after the marriage their spouse will change, and theyre sorely disappointed when that doesnt happen.

Finally, he may also be hiding something. Maybe he snores, or sleepwalks, or is a superhero who flies around at night rescuing people from evil. Since youve only been going out for a couple of months, I wouldnt worry about it. But if it looks like you are going to get married, then Id advise you to do a little more digging just to make sure that if there is a secret, it isnt something that will have a negative impact on you.

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