Am I Being "Played"?
ImageHi. I'm in high school and my boyfriend's name is, let's say, Ian. I have never been in a relationship other than Ian, and NOBODY knows.

I'm a virgin but Ian has been in several sexual relationships. I have told him that I'm a virgin and I'm not ready then he looks me in the eyes and says, I would never do anything to hurt you and I will only go as far as you let me. He has kept his word. i feel ready, but I'm afraid of getting pregnant, regretting it, etc. But the thing I'm most afraid is Ian. I just feel like I don't have any trust for him. It could be because I am an insecure teenage girl(stereotype) "hint,hint,wink,wink" He deserves my trust though. He has never crossed the line and goes out of his way for me. I guess I feel like he just wants in my pants and knows how to play his cards right. I feel horrible saying that but it's either that or i have a terrible trust problem. I know his best friend likes me a lot and him and Ian are as close as you can get and I don't think he would let Ian do that. He has never liked any of Ian's past girlfriends. I feel paranoid but I just don't want to be hurt. And since you know sexual relationships best, I'll let you know I can make him orgasm without going below the belt and he can almost with me too. please help me see through the fog!!! thank you

ImageDo you know whats wrong with your question? Nowhere do you say how you feel about Ian, or how he feels about you. Its the emotional part of the relationship thats most important, not the sexual part. Since you say you dont trust him entirely, and dont say that you love him, I have to assume that the emotional attachment between the two of you is not very strong. Its almost as if youre still at the flirting stage, even though you call him your boyfriend. Please dont think Im trying to pressure you into deepening this relationship, because Im not. I just want you to see that much of this confusion youre feeling is because the relationship itself is unresolved. If youre giving each other orgasms without really having much sexual contact, then thats fine. Youre experimenting, taking a few hesitant steps. My advice is not to go any further. If true love hasnt blossomed by now, I dont think it will. One, or both of you, is just not ready. As long as you keep that in mind, you probably wont get hurt, either emotionally when this relationship ends, or because you allowed something physical to take place that you will later regret.

One more thing, dont assume that nobody knows. Since his friend knows, its likely the word has spread because teenagers like to talk about such things. And you are probably acting differently at home, so I wouldnt be surprised if your parents suspected something was going on. You may think theyre clueless, but they went through the same things you are going through when they were teens. Why am I bringing this up? Because if youre really confused, maybe youd want to talk about this with your parents, or some other adult, like an aunt or grandmother. Everyone needs advice from time to time, so dont think you have to tackle this by yourself. If this situation is really confusing, or if he changes his approach and starts to pressure you, dont be afraid to talk to an adult who can give you advice. Obviously Im glad to be able to give you some advice, but Im not available on a regular basis, and I dont know you or Ian enough to be able to give you the best advice. But some other adult (who has the experience and maturity that a teenage friend would not) might be able to help you with your problems.

 
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