Should I Share Sex Fantasies With my Spouse?
ImageLately I have had a recurring fantasy of my wife having sex with another man -- her becoming some kind of slut, I guess.

Sometimes I fantasize watching her in action. She is not at all this way; she is, in fact, very devoted to me and never shows the least bit of interest in other men. I have never spoken to her about this. I doubt that I would ever consider making the fantasy a reality either. What is wrong with me? Why do I feel this way? Should I tell my wife?

ImageIf you had a fantasy about becoming president or winning the lottery or having a fancy sports car in your driveway, you would not be concerned about it, would you? So why are you more concerned about having a sexual fantasy? Fantasies are just that: fantasies. You do not expect fantasies to come true or live your life as if they might. Fantasies are not goals. If you wanted a promotion at work, that is a realistic goal you could work toward, whether or not you ever got it. Now, if you spent a lot of time daydreaming about what you would do if you had this promotion but did not lift a finger to get it, then it would be a fantasy.

You should definitely not tell your wife about this fantasy. You know it is a fantasy she would never act out, so why upset her? If you had a more realistic sexual fantasy, one that she might consider, then you could bring it up. But there is a good reason to use fantasies that are not realistic, such as the one you have been having, to arouse yourself. If you spent a lot of time fantasizing about your wife and you, say, making love in your pool, and then she refused to do it, you would be disappointed. You will not feel that disappointment with the fantasies you are having now because you know they are out of the question. So rather than worry about these fantasies, enjoy them, use them to become aroused and just be careful not to confuse these fantasies with reality.

 
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