I would like to first thank you for having a website because I have no one to talk to about this situation. I just recently got married in July. We both like girls and this is a new realm for me.

I find it exciting to be with another girl and so does he but we had one good attempt of this prior to marriage. Now it seems like he looks for it ...and Iam also the initiator at clubs especially under intoxication but I have become very jealous and it seems angry when we do it now and he never really seems happy with the result. I can't stand seeing him with another girl ...but it seems like its okay for him to see me with one. How can I save my marriage or our relationship?

When you two said yes to getting married, was part of that agreement that this would be an open marriage? From my experience treating clients, and even from the experience of the couple that wrote the book, The Open Marriage, such marriages don’t work over the long term. One partner gets jealous or one falls in love with someone else or something happens that splits the marriage apart. So if this wasn’t a quid pro quo, then why not agree to take it off the table and not have any third parties? If it was, then perhaps you should have a talk and see whether you couldn’t agree to drop this part of the marriage pact. Where this gets very problematic is if you did agree to this and he refuses to give it up. It’s already causing problems and the odds are those problems will only get worse, not better. I wish I could offer you some magic elixir that will save your marriage but I can’t. It’s hard enough to keep marriages together where both have sworn to be monogamous, but when you add other people to the mix, then quite often the forces that drive people apart become stronger than those that keep them together.

Of course all of this depends on how you become aroused. If you can only become aroused by thoughts of having sex with another female, even when you are having sex with your husband, then I would have to question your sexual identity. If you can only become aroused by women, then that would mean that you are a lesbian, which certainly spells trouble for your marriage. I’m not saying that you are a lesbian, but I want you to understand the definition, because if it turns out that you are a lesbian, then that should also make you rethink this marriage.