His Medical Problems Have Ended our Sex Life

Image Ten years ago at age 49 my husband had an emergency triple heart bypass.  He was put on a cocktail of medications to protect him.  Unfortunately, the side affect of those medications is that he can't get and sustain an erection. 

I know there are medications for erectile dysfunction but they are contraindicated for use with his other medications.  Basically, his sex life ended and took mine with it.

There has been no more cuddling, no physical closeness and certainly no attempt on his part to give me any sexual satisfaction.

My gynecologist--female--was no help.  She basically told me that the sexual urge runs down anyway and I should just face up to the fact that sex had ended.

I consulted two different marriage counselors--both male--who both basically told me that I was not the one with the problem.  I needed to take my husband's feeling of loss as the more important issue, in addition to which he had the issue to deal with of a possible early mortality. I finally spoke to a female marriage counselor whose basic advice boiled down to masturbation, which she found most "older" women thought was actually more fulfilling than intercourse.

So much for the experts.  I've had a lot more than sex on my plate for the last 10 years--a suddenly ill husband, a daughter with an eating disorder, a much younger sister whose husband died after a 3 year battle with cancer, leaving her a widow with 5 kids, an ailing mother in law and a mother developing health issues.  It is only in the past few months that I have had the leisure to turn to my own problems, and the frustration is building.  I don't want an affair.  Clearly mutual sex is out with my husband.  Is it so much to ask that my husband sometimes bring me to climax, even if he can't have one himself?

ImageBasically I agree with you, but I must state that this is all a very complex issue so the overall circumstances must be considered, and that’s something I don’t know. In other words, if, for example, he’s depressed about his overall condition, then perhaps that is why he’s not interested in cuddling with you and giving you orgasms.
But let me put something else on the table, and that is that there are penile implants. There are surgical procedures that allow a man to have an erection by pushing on a pump that causes the penis to inflate. Such a device does not interfere with any medications. Now it won’t give him the desire for sex, if there are other problems interfering with that, as I already mentioned, but on the other hand, knowing that he can have erections might help with depression, if he is in fact depressed. So rather than see a gynecologist, I might suggest that you go to see a urologist who performs the procedure. (Ask that question before making the appointment.)  Assuming this turns out to be practical, then you may have to go back for some couples counseling in order to restart your sex life, but the odds of the two of you meeting with success will be a lot higher if his equipment is back in working order.

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She can't orgasm
She can't orgasm
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