I have been dating my fiancee for around 5 years and we have been living together 3 of those 5. We have pretty good sex most of the time, but when I try to add toys or adult movies, she becomes very cold to the ideas.

I have tried talking to her, but it leads to nothing but pissing her off. She in fact becomes very angry at the mere suggestion of any type of adult film. The one time we did try to watch one, she made fun of the entire scene and then said " does this end our movie time"? I'm not sure where to go with this. She is insanely jealous to add to what appears to me to be insecurities. Am I too pushy, am I wrong or is there something different I need to be doing? By the way we are in our late thirties and early 40's if that makes any difference.

Many people adore chocolate while others are allergic to it. You wouldn’t want to force an allergic person to eat chocolate would you? Your fiancée appears to be allergic to erotica. I know that she’s not really allergic, but she reacts negatively to it, and that’s all that really counts. As far as you’re concerned, as long as you stay with her, you’re not going to be able to share these items. You could, potentially, look at erotica when she’s not around and then use the images in your brain to arouse yourself. That would be up to you, and I wouldn’t let her know you are doing it. But I don’t think she’s going to over come this allergy. And if seeing such a film turns her off, then that’s not going to be good for your sex life in any case.

Now the root of the problem might be that she particularly doesn’t like nude images of other women. Many women worry that they don’t compare and get jealous, since most of the women in adult films are very good looking. Another objection that some women have is that they’re afraid that their man is then going to ask to repeat some of the scenes from the film in their bedroom. But while she may not like visual erotica, perhaps she might go along with other items, like sexy negligees or painting each other with washable markers. So there should be ways of adding some variety to your love life that don’t require x-rated material.