We both have agreed that sometime next year, we would like to get married. A few weeks ago, my girlfriend informed me that she feels like she is sinning, by having pre-marital sex, even simple foreplay has gotten her bothered. She advised me that until we get married, the only thing we can do now is kiss, nothing more.

Here's my dilemma, I love her very much, and I would do anything for her. At the point that she sprang this wonderful information on me, we had been intimate with each other for about 10 months. Now, out of nowhere, she's cutting me off completely, bone dry. And not because of something that I did either. I don't believe in cheating at all and I despise it altogether. So that isn't even an option for me.

Am I wrong in being upset about this as much as I am? If her and I had only had sex once or twice, it would be a different story to me. But after 10 months of having sex and foreplay with my girlfriend two or three times a week, I feel very upset that I didn't get a say so in this. While she feels that pre-marital sex is a big deal, I, do not.

I am a very understanding person, but I'm having a lot of trouble with this one. What is your advice on this? What should I do? Can I do anything to restore our sex life before the married life?

When I confronted her about "what should I do when I'm in the mood?" Her only response was to go take care of business myself. To me that seams like a wrong answer to a very sensitive topic like this.

I understand your frustration completely but when two people love each other enough to get married, they end up putting up with a lot for each other. A marriage is full of compromises and if you’re not ready to make this compromise, then maybe you’re not ready for marriage. And maybe she senses that, I don’t know. Maybe this is a test. Maybe she thinks that you don’t really want to marry her and she’s being used. By the way, this might not even be a conscious doubt, but a subconscious one.

One problem is that when men get upset, their adrenaline shoots up and they get angry. One of your first reactions was to think about cheating. I’m not saying you’d cheat, but you thought about it, in a sense as a means of revenge. There’s nothing wrong with having such thoughts. They’re almost instinctual. But, if you love her, you have to suppress such ideas. You have to say to yourself, I love her and I’ll make this sacrifice. Of course maybe after you go ahead and set a date and make concrete plans for this wedding, she’ll change her mind. Otherwise, you’ll have to “take care of business” as she said. Yes, it’s a bit cold, but it’s the truth.

It’s not called the battle of the sexes for nothing. All relationships hit bumpy spots now and then, and in the grand scheme of things, this is really a small bump. It’s an annoying and frustrating one, I admit, especially after 10 months of having sex together. But if your relationship can survive this without any problems, then it will end up even stronger and will serve you well when you are married.