Hello I am 18 years old and me and my boyfriend have been going together for about 4 years and I still haven't had sex with him but the whole 4 years we were on and off but now we are official and I am scared to have sex.

My Mom says when I start dating I am going on birth control but I want to know does it hurt the first time and I am also ashamed of when I do is bleeding possible. I really need to talk to someone about this. thank you

I'm a little confused how you could have a boyfriend for four years without dating, so I don't know whether you've been hiding him or just telling your mom that it isn't serious, or as you put it, "official."  Your Mom seems to be a reasonable person, so I would definitely suggest that you talk to her about this. I know that many teens don't think that their parents know much about sex, but that just isn't true. If you're 18, she's been having sex for at least 18 years and knows quite a bit more than you realize.

But while I can't give you the comfort that a mother can, I can give you a few facts. It is certainly possible that you will bleed, but that will not definitely happen. These days young girls lead a very active life and many break their hymen while bike riding or engaging in sports so that they do not bleed the first time they have sex. Any bleeding that does occur will not be a tremendous amount, as you might experience during the heavy days or your period, but rather only a few drops. It's certainly nothing to be ashamed about or even to worry about. Certainly your boyfriend knows enough about sex to realize this might happen and he's not going to be focusing on a few drops of blood, I can assure you.

As to any possible pain, I can't lie to you and say there won't be any pain, because there could be. But you may not experience any pain at all, or it might be so slight as to be irrelevant. But if you worry about feeling pain, then you might involuntarily tighten up your vaginal muscles and that will cause intercourse to be painful. So your best bet is to put aside those fears, concentrate on your love for your boyfriend and do your best to relax. It's also very important to remember that your first time is not your last time. Even if there's a bit of pain and awkwardness, you will eventually get the hang of it and you have a whole lifetime ahead of you to enjoy sex. Think of your first time a little like the first time you rode a bicycle. It took a little while to get the hang of it, but once you learned, you never forgot how and it was always enjoyable.