We have always been open about our sexual desires but have not acted on them with each other due to respect to our partners. Now he is going to marry my friend which I am very happy about. About 3 months ago we spoke about our sexual tension and how it has been going on for years, we laughed about this. The next weekend after, we had been drinking and we spoke about cheating on our partners. I called him and said it was in appropriate and we can not speak about it again. Then we (the 4 of us) went out and were drinking, my husband and I stayed at our friends’ house. I stayed up talking to my male friend and we spoke like normal about sex and our sex lives (how we are both unsatisfied). We talked about having a threesome and other sex related topics. We ended up kissing and we mutually masturbated (without climax) as we both decided it was not right. We went to bed in separate beds with our partners. We did not discuss what happened for a few weeks and we pretended nothing happened. He called me yesterday morning and we spoke about how it can not happen again but we ended up confessing our attraction to each other. We ended up having phone sex. We went to a BBQ at the same place that night and did not talk about it. I called him this morning to say we have to stop it, and it can not happen again. I stated we can not talk about sex anymore.
I am afraid I am in love with him and with my husband at the same time.
Should I cut off all contact with him and my friend? I don't want to loose my friendship with either people. I am not sexually satisfied by my husband and I am a very sexual person. I have tried to spice my sex life up with my husband but it has not worked. I don’t even want to have sex with him anymore. I am not sure if the sexual tension with the other man will go away. I am not sure what I should do and I can not stop thinking about the other man. HELP!

Haven’t I seen this movie already? Seriously, you can’t live like this. Obviously your attraction for each other is ruining whatever attraction you feel for your partners. Either you break up with your respective partners and get together, or else you have to stop seeing each other and talking to each other. You’re torturing yourselves and the more you dance around, the more likely that you’re going to take the next step and start an affair. Since you’ve only been married for 14 months, and he’s not yet married, I’m going to assume there are no kids in the picture. You could get a divorce and start up a relationship with this man. But what stopped you from remaining as a couple when you were dating? Is the attraction merely sexual, and there are other aspects about him that you don’t like, and wouldn’t want in a husband? If that’s the case, then put the relationship on ice.

Let me make another point. I’m going to guess that it’s not only when you are together that this relationship affects you. I bet you’re both indulging in sexual fantasies about the other. Those fantasies are also doing harm to your relationships. Fantasies don’t represent reality. You may not really like this man all that much, but are merely sexually attracted to him. If that’s the case, then it shouldn’t be that hard to break away, but not if you live out a sex life together in your fantasies. So take this situation for the serious threat that it is, to your relationship with your husband and therefore to your entire marriage. Instead of saying that you can’t go on like this to each other, but then go forward, either stop it, or else decide that you want this new relationship to replace the one you have. But don’t hang around in this version of no man’s land, because you don’t want to have this situation fester and then come to a boil so that you later leave not only a partner, but children.