Why am I Worrying About His Past?

ImageMy boyfriend of 5 months and I have a great, open, adventurous, intimate sex life and relationship. I deeply care about him and vice versa. However, one issue concerning his sex-life with his last girlfriend of three years (and first love) is bothering me. Early on, before we were in a serious relationship, he asked if I had anal sex and I said no. I asked him, and he had anal sex a few times with his ex.

With that fact, I realized they must have had a great, fun, exciting, adventurous sex life, and now I feel like I may be inferior to his ex in bed - because, while I'm not closed off to trying anything with him - anal sex is not at the top of my list. - I also feel upset a bit to think that he's done a lot of sexual things with her that we haven't done - or that she knows him so much more than me, maybe gave him better oral sex, turned him on more etc. Knowing this about his sex life with her is just fueling insecurities that I am not as good in bed - even if our sex life is great. I feel like I am competing to be better than her - and am seriously considering trying anal sex because of it. Please help - I don't want these insecurities to get out of control in this fantastic relationship that we have.

ImageMy advice, in two words, is: stop it. Stop allowing yourself to indulge in such nonsense. First of all no two relationships are exactly alike. She brought some things to the table and you bring other things. The fact is that he is with you and not her. If you allow yourself to keep worrying about his past sex life, you’re only going to cause trouble. You may not be able to stop yourself from thinking about this momentarily, but you can certainly stop yourself once this thought pops into your head. Force yourself to think about anything else than his past life with his girlfriend. If you have problems with this, prepare yourself. For example, I keep a drawer full of positive material, letters, articles etc and when I’m sad, I go to that drawer to change my thoughts. If you need to do something similar, do it. If these thoughts come at night, have some fantasy ready to substitute, and maybe not a sexual one but anything that will keep you from focusing on his past sex life. If you keep giving in to such thoughts, it will spell trouble because you can never compete against some mythological past of his.

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