What do I do About Her Emotional Baggage?
Image My wife and I have a great sex life. However, she came with baggage (which I was, and still am very comfortable with).

She had a relationship before me with an a**hole who forced her, through emotional abuse and through physical force, to perform oral sex on him. Now, I enjoy performing oral sex on her, and she had never before experienced this before we met. She wants to reciprocate, but can't. Whenever she tries, she gags, has panic attacks, and ends up an emotional puddle in my arms. Now, as far as my feelings go, I would LOVE for her to be able to return the favor, but it isn't a deal-breaker to me, and she knows this. I stress to her EVERY time that she does not have to do this, and that I understand if she doesn't want to or can't. She, however, does want to, and can't, and it really upsets her. How can I help her through this, and is there anyway to make it easier for her? Please help, I need her to quit stressing over this!

ImageSince youíre married, I have to assume the two of you have been having sex for quite some time now, so this isnít an issue that is just going to disappear. And if she hasnít been able to give you oral sex up until now, my guess is that itís not going to happen easily, if at all. So my advice to you is to tell her that for the next few months, she is forbidden from even thinking about giving you oral sex. Because this issue keeps coming back, to some degree you could compare what is going on to a blister. If you keep walking on that blister, it will never heal. But if you wrap it up in a bandage, it will heal, and eventually it will disappear. Iím not saying this particular ďblisterĒ will ever disappear, but thereís no chance of that happening if you keep rubbing it and the wound is constantly raw. So for the rest of this year, she cannot even try to give you oral sex. Maybe on Valentineís Day she could try again. If she can do it, fine. And if not, then you put it aside for a few more months. At some point, if she really canít heal this particular wound, then it gets put on the shelf forever. You have the right attitude about this, itís not a deal breaker as you say, so if thatís the way it has to be, itís not such a big deal.

 
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