I'm a 38-year-old woman and my husband is 40. I fell in love with him over time, rather than at first sight. He had a wonderful personality, was fun and did not push the issue of sex. We dated for five years before we married and have been married for three years. My husband comes from a very Catholic family, so there was no sex before we married, even though I was very interested in having it. He always had an excuse for not having sex. Before I accepted his proposal for marriage, I asked him if there would be sex in our marriage.

I told him that if not, I could not marry him because I would not be happy. He assured me that there would be sex and children in our lives together. I asked him this question several times during the course of our engagement. Now, three years later, we haven't had sex even one time. I've asked him to go to a marriage counselor and a sex therapist with me, but he says nothing is wrong and we do not need to go. Well, now my love for him is turning into hate. I have tried going to counseling on my own, but they cannot help me without him. I don't think he has ever loved me. I have been losing my temper a lot, I feel cheated in life and I wonder what my next step should be. Is there a way I can convince him that we need help?

Why do you think he married you? Is he using you to cover up some other interest? Could he be a homosexual who is not willing to admit it? Since you say he is a Catholic, have you gone to see a priest to discuss this? Have you threatened to leave him, and, if so, what does he say? I'm sorry to be asking you so many questions instead of answering yours, but as you can see, it would be impossible for me to tell you exactly what is going on here, though I think my questions may give you some ideas as to my suspicions.

Let me say one more thing. Most people are not asexual, especially not men, unless there is something physically wrong with them. So if they are not using the traditional outlet for sexual release -- sex with their partner -- there is a good chance that they are using another outlet. Try to find out what he is doing for sexual release, and that might guide you.