How Can I Stop Faking Orgasms?

ImageHi, I am one of the women who have been faking orgasms my whole life. I am 36 and I finally told my husband. It wasn't easy and no matter how much I tell him it is not his fault he is having a hard time with it. I have been masturbating for as long as I can remember. I just don't know how to relax and have one with him. I promised no more lies and I have never lied about anything else. I really want to have a normal relationship. He has been the first man I have ever trusted or I wouldn't have been able to be honest with him.

What do I do? Yes I know where it stems from. I was raped at 5 years old for 7 days and then again when I was 13 years old. At that point I came to the conclusion it was all about them. Of course with counseling, prayer and a wonderful patient husband I know differently. However I want to have a normal sexual relationship with him. I love and trust him but why do I still have this problem of relaxing and just letting it happen. Please help!

ImageThat you've gone for counseling, have faith and a patient husband is all very important. Perhaps you'll have to go for more counseling, but considering how long you've had this problem, and it's origins, you can't expect it to disappear overnight. So the first thing I have to counsel is patience. You've told your husband. You've agreed to work on it together. So take a deep breath and let some time pass as you both try to find ways for him to give you an orgasm.

One possibility might be for him to use a vibrator on you. The strong sensations of the vibrator might help you to overcome whatever is holding you back while allowing him to participate. Then, once you've had orgasms in his presence, you might learn to have them without the vibrator. If you can't work this out by yourselves, I definitely suggest you consult with a sex therapist.

That said, it's also possible that you may not be able to have orgasms with him in the room. The most important thing is that neither of you be sexually frustrated. If you can give yourself orgasms, and bring him to sexual satisfaction, then that's not the worst situation in the world. One big problem you had was that you felt dishonest. At least that issue has been dealt with. So the worst case scenario isn't all that terrible. I'm not saying it's ideal because it isn't, but compared to other potential ills that could befall you, it's not so bad. And maybe realizing that ahead of time might allow you to relax sufficiently to have orgasms with him. In other words, the less pressure you are under when you try, the more likely that you will be successful. In fact, it's important for you not to try to reach an orgasm with him every time. Make it every other time. And even if you aren't successful for a whole year and have pretty much given up, keep trying occasionally. Since you are orgasmic, it's definitely possible. The situation may just have to be perfect, which means it might happen only infrequently. But the more often it does happen, the easier it will probably be to repeat. Please let me know what happens.

 
 
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