Can we get through this? My lover that I had, asked me why I dry up in the middle of sex? I never use too before. My husband did not seem to want me even before the affair, what can I do?

You’ve spent twelve years with this man and my question is, how much satisfaction have you had, sexually, of course, but also from the relationship as a whole? From what I can gather, I would surmise your answer might be, “Not very much.” I know that change is scary, and you say you love him, but it seems to me that some changes need to be made. I’m not necessarily saying that you have to leave him, but that’s certainly a possibility. You need to go for some marital therapy. If he won’t accompany you, then go by yourself. You need to sort through what has been happening and decide whether or not it is worthwhile going forward. To do this you’re going to have to take off the rose-colored glasses of love. You’re going to have to look at this relationship objectively, as if from the perspective of an outsider, to judge what is really going on. I know how hard that can be to do by yourself, which is why I’m suggesting professional counseling.  I’m not going to say that you’ve wasted the past dozen years, because perhaps the relationship had more to give in the earlier stages, but you certainly don’t want to waste any more of your precious time, so make that appointment as soon as possible.