We've Fallen Into a Sex Routine

ImageI have been married for 9 wonderful months, and already it seems as though we've fallen into a sex routine. I would like to spice it up or have more foreplay, but even if my husband and I talk about trying new things we still end up in the same old routine.

It's becoming a real problem, and orgasm is now a very hard achievement for myself. Not that it was ever easy to achieve orgasm, just that it's even harder now. Any advice???

ImageIn order to answer people's questions, whether it be here on my web site or in my newspaper column or in my private practice, it is important to be able to read between the lines. Your question is a good case in point. You say that your marriage is wonderful, but it appears that your husband will not give you the increased foreplay that you need.  Perhaps that is because he is afraid that if he waits too long to engage in intercourse that he will lose his erection, or perhaps it's because he doesn't feel that the marriage is as wonderful as you do and is selfishly wanting to get sex over with. 

Raising the question is about as far as I can go in this format, but I think you have to dig deeper. The two of you should definitely go to see either a marriage counselor or a sex therapist. If he won't go with you, then I would suggest you start by going yourself. Don't say to yourself that it's only been nine months and things will work themselves out. If there is a problem with the relationship, it is much better to be proactive as soon as possible so that any small tears in the relationship don't get any worse. 

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She can't orgasm
She can't orgasm
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