I am an attractive 40 year old woman. I recently started dating this younger man and my common sense flew out the window.

I got caught up in that "feel good" of sex and did not practice safe sex. This man later confesses to me he had had herpes for several years. I never saw any signs, I should have screamed at him but I did not. I just feel sorry for his disease. What should I do about me?

The big problem with herpes is that there is no absolutely safe way of having sex and not transmitting the disease. Even condoms don’t provide 100% protection because the lesions can appear on the genitals in a place not covered by a condom. And since the person can be contagious before any lesions actually appear, it is impossible to know in advance whether or not you are at risk. So if you decide to continue this relationship, there’s a chance that you will contract herpes no matter how safe you try to be. If that’s not a concept that you can live with, then I suggest that you move on, and if you haven’t caught it yet, consider yourself lucky. Also consider yourself lucky that he confessed to only herpes, which at least is not deadly, and make certain that you never engage in unprotected sex again.

As to screaming at him, while I am not going to tell you to raise your voice, you must get through to him that he cannot do this again. Yes it is difficult to tell a potential partner that you have herpes, as they might head for the hills instead of the bedroom, but not to do so is just not acceptable. You could be sued, and you just have to be more considerate no matter the consequences. This young man has got to be made to understand the seriousness of what he did so that he doesn’t put other people at risk the way he did you.