I have been married for 22 years and recently I had an affair
Image My husband and I have been together for 22 years. He is my first love and sexual experience. I love him deeply but a couple of weeks ago I had an affair. He found out and I told him everything. It started out as a text relationship with this guy, joking with him. Then it became more. And after we had sex my feelings where mixed up. I guess because he is the second man Iíve ever slept with but fantasized about having sex with anther man for a while even though I am very happy with my sex life with my husband. I never in a million years thought I was capable of doing this to my husband or to me. How can I fix this and do you have any idea why after 22 years some one would do this to someone they love because I donít know why I did it! Please help!

Image Everyone does something stupid on the spur of the moment once in a while. Most of the time there arenít any consequences, like you can drive through 20 traffic lights as theyíre just turning red and not get stopped and then thereís that one time when the next thing you hear is a police siren. And itís to prevent that last occurrence that most people stop themselves from doing stupid things. I canít assign a percentage to how many married people would like to have the occasional fling, but certainly lots would, and some do. But many such affairs or flings never happen because the people consider the consequences and hold back. Having the urge doesnít mean that they donít love their spouse. It just means that we inherently have this desire to have sex with other people and it doesnít go away just because you got married. Youíre just supposed to hold yourself in check. And thatís what you didnít do.

How do fix it? Sadly itís not entirely up to you. You can tell your husband how sorry you are, how youíll never do it again and how much you love him, but he may not want to hear it. He may feel so hurt that heíll demand a divorce. If I were you, I would seriously consider going to marital therapy together. Whatever his expressed reaction, there may be more under the surface that needs to be explored. Go just a few times so that you can help clear the air.

And assuming you keep your husband, you have to promise yourself to keep yourself in check, to never take even one flirtatious step with another man, because youíve shown to yourself that you have this weakness, and the best way to prevent a repeat is to avoid all temptation.

 
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